for Psychologist Olga AlbaladejoSuch silence can be a resource for emotional control. Is that what he calls Regulatory silence. That is, the person decides to remain silent in order to calm down. That way you’ll be able to say and say something more useful than the first thing that comes to mind. It can also be seen as an indication of greater emotional intelligence.
The secret lies in how it is handled. For example, in this case, the one who uses silence says what he wants to communicate. That takes a few minutes to recover. And he is going to speak again.
However, it has a B-side. For example, if it is used to punish or escape from a situation, it ceases to be a regulator and becomes a barrier to dialogue.
Why the body needs a break
There is a physiological reason. he Gottman Institute (who has been studying couples for decades) explains that those who are gapped or closed in bands are usually affected by flooding. The body goes into fight or flight mode. The pulse increases and stress hormones are released. It is no longer possible to continue the discussion calmly and respectfully.
There are rules for using it. On the one hand, it must be long enough. Minimum 20 minutes. It takes time for the body to calm down. In addition, it is recommended to establish a code (words or gestures) in advance.
Another problem is what to do at this minute.. Another text from the same institute suggests taking a walk or moving to another room. Also, avoid dwelling on conflicts. It is also not fair to use sad silence as neutrality. It is not setting a limit (saying where the limit is and where it will be held).
The reverse (not giving notice that one is leaving) is an ominous sign in literature.. A meta-analysis (grouping 74 studies with more than 14,000 participants) led by Paul Schrodt (Texas Christian University) and published in Communication Monographs found that demand and withdrawal patterns (one partner demanding and the other withdrawing) were associated with lower couple satisfaction, less closeness, and less closeness. (It’s not just silence, though.)
When talking on mobile
What will happen if the discussion on the mobile phone? Another study from Brigham Young University analyzed 276 young American couples. They linked the use of text messages to apologize, settle differences, or make decisions with poor relationship quality among women. Among men, sending multiple messages was associated with lower quality.
There is a technical term in chat. It’s about silencing the conversation. In WhatsApp groups we can do it for eight hours, a week or always. In this way we will not have notifications on our mobiles. We will return in a moment to write a message.
We call it the other side of the coin at GainBeta. psychologist Luis Miguel Real Kotbani who wrote “Silence does not mature us, it subjugates us”. He spoke of silence as a habit of not disturbing. Risking an explosion. This does not contradict what Albaladejo says. These are two types of silence.
One is a few minutes. to warn And it opens up for conversation. The other has no return date.
Picture | Pexels
